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Percy Parodies
Percy Parodies What happens when Percy Jackson meets the highly popular iPhone games, Angry Birds? What will take place when Percy meets the Hunger Games? Or a crazy giant dormouse? Or C.S Lewis' classic novel, The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe? Mayhem and madness are sure to erupt in these two hilarious Percy Parodies. And of course, Kronos, the titan lord, is behind it all ! Angry Birds/Percy Jackson Parody Introduction: Dear reader, this work tells the tale of a giant dormouse, a misguided boy named Hank, Percy Jackson, and giant green pigs who are minions of the Titan, Kronos. Read on...if you dare. (Hank is sitting on a chair in his school cafeteria, playing angry birds on a iPhone.) Hank: (Taps screen wildly) Die Pigs, Die Pigs ! (Hank drops a crate of dynamite on the pig's head, and it blows up) Hank: Yeah ! (Just then,a large pig comes and sits on the windowsill.) Hank: Yay ! I just got three stars for killing that pig. (The fat pig turns an angry shade of red) Hank: Yikes! (runs to the door) (The pig comes in with a steak knife and starts chasing Hank) Hank: Help meeee! (A boy in a camp half blood shirt comes in with a sword and slices up the pig) Hank: Thank You ! (A giant dormouse appears) Dormouse: How dare you kill that pig..Ahhhhhhhhhh (Another pig attacks the Dormouse) (Hank grabs a chair and beats the pig over the head until it dies.) Percy: Look, more pigs ! (On the school yard, millions of pigs are snorting. A gigantic pig with a gold crown with blue rhinestones on it seems to be the leader. He is rude and loud, and is fatter than a garbage truck) King Pig: (snorts) What do we want ? Little Pigs: Eggs ! King Pig: What do we want ? Little Pigs: Eggs ! King Pig: What do you say ? Little Pigs: THE ANGRY PIGS, UNITED, WILL NEVER BE DEFEATED !!! King Pig: In the name of almighty Kronos, Charge !!!! (The little pigs destroy the doors and invade the school.) Hank: What shall we do ? Dormouse: Why we set a flower on fire, make a magic brew, and... Percy: (Rolls Eyes) Yeah, that would help a lot. Hank, find some heavy things to throw at the pigs. (Hank and the mouse leave.) (Percy finds himself staring at the school principal. Principal: What on earth is going on here ?! Percy: Sir, I'm here to help. Those things in the hall are evil pigs sent by the Titan king Kronos. Please tell all the teachers to keep the students inside while we deal with them ! Principal: All right, I'll make an announcement. Oh, and by the way, if any school property is damaged by those pigs, I'm suing you. (Principal leaves) (In a few seconds the intercom goes on) Intercom: Attention teachers and students, we are going into lock down. We are currently being invaded by....giant green pigs. Thank You ! (Intercom shuts off) Percy: (Appears on the stair landing) All right pigs, you asked for it (Takes out his sword) (Percy destroys the first row of green pigs. More pigs are invading the school by the back and middle doors. The fat king pig is too fat to come in to the school by the doors,so the little pigs destroy a wall to let him in.) Meanwhile: (Hank and the Dormouse have returned with a pile of school supplies.) Dormouse: (Frowns) If only I had that book of spells and a lighter and some pansies. I could blink those villainous pigs away ! Hank: Mouse, do like fighting ? Dormouse: I love to fight with other people, but it is wrong to kill an innocent pig. Hank: (Grins) Well, get ready to fight...now ! (Hank pushes all the school supplies and the mouse over the edge of the stairs onto the pig army.) Percy: (Stabs a pig) What ? Dormouse:(Falling through the air) Help me you knave ! (Dozens of pigs squeal and are crushed by textbooks, back packs, and the dormouse.) King Pig: Me wants my eggs ! Percy: (Shakes Head) Sorry fatso, we don't have eggs, but I could make some bacon...out of you ! King Pig: (Blinks and smiles stupidly) Really ? (Percy can't respond because the Dormouse attacks him) Dormouse: (Grabs Percy's arm) You insolent boy ! I TOLD YOU TO SAVE ME, DARN IT ! Percy: Sorry Buddy, but you're just too darn annoying (Stabs Dormouse) Dormouse: (Screams) Hickory Dickory Dock ! I will repay you for this ! (Dissolves into powder.) Hank: (Yells and points) Percy, watch out ! (Percy doesn't notice a huge black bird soaring toward the school, followed by a red bird and a tiny blue bird. Birds: AHHHHHOOOOOAAAAWYAAAHHHAAAHHHHEEEWAHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!! (Percy winces as the explosion erupts around him. ) King Pig: Nooooooooo ! Egggggs ! Hank: Ahhhhhhhhhh ! (Silence) (Silence) (Prevailing Silence) Hank: (Opens one eye) Wow Wow Wow (The entire front wall of his school was demolished. The pigs had been flattened into the ground, leaving hundreds of pig-shaped craters on the floor. The huge angry birds had disintegrated, leaving some black, blue, and red feathers on the floor. The massive king pig had been flattened on the ground as well, leaving a gigantic pig-shaped hole on the floor, twenty four feet in diameter. The king's crown had survived the blast. It was still intact and had all the rhinestones on it. ) Percy: (Groan) What ?! (Looks at the runined school) Hank: Percy, stay with me ! Percy: (Shakes Head) Sorry....Annabeth and Chiron will be waiting for me...(Walks out onto the streets) Hank: (Sobs) Principal:(Opens door) Hank Zipzer ! Hank: I'm sorry sir, this wasn't my fault, there was a boy here too, and some pigs, and a giant mouse. Principal: (Snorts like the King Pig) Giant Dormouse ? Hah !!! There was nothing in here but YOU. Now, clean up this mess, unless you want to be expelled ! (Principal slams his office door) Hank: (Takes the King Pig's crown and puts it on his head.) "I should have never played Angry Birds in the cafeteria." he thought. In conclusion folks, you shouldn't play angry birds in public. Go in your bedroom, close all the blinds, and pop those piggies to your heart's content. But do it in secret, because you never know when an Angry Pig...or the dreaded Titan King, is watching. My loyal readers, thank you for having read through this parody. This second parody tells the tale of a dormouse, two jealous boys, the hunger games, and Percy Jackson. Enjoy! The White Witch is leading Emund to his doom while spring arrives in Narnia. Dwarf: This is not a thaw, this is SPRING don't you get that ? Witch: How dare you speak to me in this matter ! (She is interrupted by a boy and a girl crashing into the clearing) Peeta Mellark: Career Tributes ! Katniss Everdeen: (Takes out bow and arrow) No, not Careers, they're mutts ! Peeta: ATAAAAAAAAAAAACK ! (Before Katniss can terminate the "Muttuations", a dormouse walks up the path, holding a flaming pansy) Katniss: A mutant giant dormouse ! Dormouse: (Smiles Creepliy) The hooded mouse treads a solitary path, the pack mind catches the scent of prey..... Katniss: We don't care about that ! Did president snow send you to kill us ?" Edmund:No, save save save me ! Witch:Silence vermain....AAAAAAAAAAH! (A boy in a Camp-Half-Blood t-shirt pulls out a sword and slices the witch into piles of yellow dust) Percy Jackson: Cronus ! Where is he wait....GAAAAH ! (Katniss sends and arrow into his kneecap.) Percy: What was that for girl ? He pulls the arrow out, and the wound heals on its own. Katniss: Wow, he's invincible. Edmund: Save me! Save me ! (His pleas are cut off by a huge Titan, Cronus appears out of thin air.) Cronus: Kill Percy Kill Percy Kill Him..... (The dormouse walks over, chanting a weird song) Dormouse: My friend, follow the path of the mouse with me. Let us raise our voices in song together. Cronus:You're right, dormouse let us follow the path of the mouse together. (Cronus and the dormouse go off into the woods, singing songs together and setting flowers on fire.) Percy: (Shakes his head) Never thought it would be that easy. Maybe The Titan lord is a bit senile from his years in Tartarus...... Katniss:Come on Peeta let's go. (She and Peeta jog into the woods) Edmund:) save me save me ! Percy: You might be a monster in disguise kid... I better go. (He runs off) Edmund (bursts into tears) (Then Peter comes into the clearing.) Edmund: Brother, you've saved me ! Peter: I get to be king instead of you !" Edmund: Am not ! Peter: Are too ! (The boys start shoving each other around) Meanwhile...... Cronus: What do we do next ? Dormouse: Why we chop up some oregano, weave it in with birch branches, boil it in a magic brew, then set it on fire and wave it around in the air, all while gnashing your teeth, screaming, an chanting again and again "the sign of the dormouse, the sign of the dormouse.." Cronus: Cool Dormouse: Here you try (reaching for the branches and a lighter) (The dormouse never makes it. A glittering bronze blade sails into the air and plunges into the dormouse.) Dormouse: Aaaaah ! hickory dickory dock. Top it off ! EEEEEEEEEE ! (Dissolves into powder) Cronus: What ? Percy destroys the Titan king. Percy: That was easy ! Meanwhile in Tartarus... Hades:(smirks) I hope you enjoyed your time in the mortal world again. Cronus: (Groans) It took me centuries to escape from this living heck...and I spent my twenty minutes of freedom playing around with dormouse! Hades: That reminds me, a friend is waiting for you... (The dormouse appears) Dormouse: EEEEEEEEEE ! I will destroy you ! (Attacks Cronus) THE END...FOR NOW Category:Parody